my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
