I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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