best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
