My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
