Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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