go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
