what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
