They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
