how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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