Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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