"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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