dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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