The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
