I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
