We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
