i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
