guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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