I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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