Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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