You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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