actually, I'm a sock model
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
porn star boner night. come get it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
