We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
