why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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