on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
