Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
