fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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