Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
