I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
this is an emotional support booty call
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
