I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
