it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
