Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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