Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
