my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
