I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
