Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
