I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She even gives head with a lisp.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
