Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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