I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
