:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
