I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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