Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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