Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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