I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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