Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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