I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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