Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
