Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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