I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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