And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
