Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is the high leading the old right now
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
