Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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