Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
