You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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