I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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