from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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