moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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