Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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