he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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