Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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