I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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