She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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