Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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