Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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