I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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