You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
