Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
