new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
