i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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