do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize