how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
