He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
