shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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