Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize