Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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