The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
