So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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