I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize