This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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