Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
