So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
