Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we made out on top of his cat.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
