I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
