my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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