that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
