So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
